Never has a phrase been more apt, as it was exactly one year ago that I found out I was pregnant. And boy oh boy, a lot has changed, I barely remember my old life since become
slave Mummy to Max back in November.
This time last year we were in the middle of redecorating our bedroom and the smaller spare room, turning it into an office or you know, maybe a nursery (“we’ll see what happens”). We were both engrossed in work, living the kids-free life although probably not living it to it’s fullest – we couldn’t be arsed going out on a Saturday anymore, a sure fire sign we’re ready for kids, no?!
Earlier that week, I’d been to London for work to attend the Elle Style Awards and on the journey down my colleague (and now good friend) trusted me with her big secret that she was around 10 weeks pregnant. I in turn told her we were hoping to be pregnant some day soon. It was the most exciting train journey of my life, chatting excitedly about my friend’s early days experience while convincing myself that I definitely wasn’t up the duff as I hadn’t had any of the symptoms that she’d had. Little did I know that I was already ‘with child’, just about.
After doing one test wrong later that week (I held it upside down despite the very clear instructions telling me not to) and getting a negative result, Sunday morning came and so did this…
We’d both crept into the bathroom holding hands, as though making too much noise might scare a positive result away, and I told my husband to look first. His face said it all and after checking the stick to see for myself, there were tears (me), swearing (him) and feelings of panic, disbelief and pure joy (both of us).
Then he went back to stripping the wallpaper and I never felt the same again.
I started From Day Dot not long after – you can read my first ever post here. My motivation was mostly down to not being able to find any ‘real’ advice or experiences online about those very early weeks of pregnancy. I was clueless – my state for the entire 9 months – and had no idea what I was meant to be doing, who I should be seeing, what I should be changing, and all information I could find was very clinical and factual, lacking any kind of personal touch to reflect this extremely personal and emotional time.
Those first 12 weeks can be a lonely and difficult time if you’re keeping it a secret, and as much as my husband was supportive and said the things he thought he should say, he was naturally a little detached from it all and I knew that only another woman who had been through it could tell me what I wanted to know and give it some real-life, emotional context. Even the virtual kind would have done the trick, but I couldn’t find what I was looking for as most women don’t talk about those early days for the simple reason that they’re keeping it secret.
So I hoped that by starting a secret blog with weekly pregnancy updates, maybe I could give another clueless preggo what I’d been looking for, without letting my own news out too early. It’s also my record of everything we went through bringing Max into the world and beyond, memories that I’d otherwise forget or remember differently over time.
From Day Dot is still ‘secret’, only a handful of friends have seen it and my husband knows I have a blog but I’ve never let him see it. I’ve never told my Mum and I’d love her to read it now but I can’t bring myself to say ‘hey, look at this, it’s all about MEEEE!!!!’
I can’t quite believe that in one short year our lives have changed so much. My body has been through the biggest upheaval it will ever go through, I’ve surprised myself by being a happy, level headed, drama-free pregnant lady and shocked us both even more by being a remaining a nice person during a labour (you can read all about that here).
But most of all, we’ve created, grown, delivered and nurtured a human being, a bundle of absolute joy who has turned our world upside down and brought more love into our lives than we could ever have imagined. Max is my proudest achievement and the past year has been my most productive (yet most lazy) so far.
Bring on the next 12 months.